24+1 years of existence
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Set the scene: I’m sitting in paul next to a cute old woman reading a storybook in German. The PAUL logo is falling down, and I can’t stop placing bets as to how many days it will take to fall on the bakers head. 4 days 3hrs 46 mins $50?
This is a bunch of letters strung together to make sense to nobody else but me. As I turn the astonishing age of 25, I have come to think of an assemblage of triumphs, defeats and teachings. So what better way to start my new year with 5 questions to ask yourself or others?
1. What does hard work really mean?
I mean, rodents, clobbers, a Mackenzie suit man and baristas work remarkably hard. They work hard to protect their habitat, fed their families or egos and spread their infectious world views or disease. But I see a purpose in separating the hard from the duties. It’s dutiful to feed your soul, family and educate yourself. Whether you take the challenging route or the easy pathway, does it really matter?
My definition of hard work: Setting your purpose and intentions beforehand and achieving what you set out without giving up all without wearing socks.
My definition of easy work: Bullshitting, half-assed deliverables and poor font choice (am guilty).
Note to self: Asking for help is not selfish; how you ask is.
New, improved 25+ version of myself would say:Try soft work? What’s that, you ask? The same as hard work but gentler and kinder to yourself and your limits.
2. How much time do you give silence?
As a musician, the importance of rests promotes tension, confusion and anticipation. Even music notes and vibrations need to stop at some point so that their value is still impactive.
Silence is deafening if you listen carefully.
I was with a friend in the park recently, and she had asked me what the loudest and quietest thing I can hear is. It blew me away -from the awareness that little dog paws made to shouting teenagers and distant grandmothers, whispering about their recent nephew’s divorce scandal. I don’t give enough time for silence because I am full of noise. Even when I give silence a chance, I’m still internally singing, screaming and chattering jargon to myself. I don’t give enough appreciation to the music that the universe provides us.
Note to self: Walking without The Beach Boys is perfectly ok- must do more. Matching silence with breathing patterns is essential for the brain to hear itself, say hello and get on with its day.
New, improved 25+ version of myself would say: Silence is a priority- you have to schedule it like you schedule your meetings; otherwise, you’ll miss your opportunity for your voice to be heard.
3. Do you fill the air with words?
I. Talk. A. Lot. And listen, not that a lot. I fill the air with words when it is not needed. In fact, it annoys me a lot because I’m changing that, but it’s hard because I have that personality that is always talking and bubbly, so when I stop shooting words into the sky, people think I’m being rained; on!
Note to self: Be conscious of your words because they become real once they leave your lips.
New, improved 25+ version of myself would say: Be more of an ear than a mouth but don’t go deaf because sign language is complex, especially for third culture kids.
4. How much do you trust yourself?
To be exact, 4mm of trust. I don’t trust my gut instinct enough. In a multiple-choice test, Id got it right the first try but then changed my answer because of a lack of trust in myself and also because I might have peaked over and seen everyone put B?
I’ve been taught to trust myself more over this year. The route I take to university, the trust I have in the chef that he’s washed their hands after pooping, having faith that the people around me are there because they trust me and want to be there, not by coercion. My role model of trust has been based on studying marketing strategies, living in cities where skin lightning makes you more beautiful, and overly protective education institutes that push for easter rabbits, St. Nicolas and raton perez.
Note to self: If I cant get ready in the dark without fucking up and owning the outfit that day, there is no trust.
New, improved 25+ version of myself would say: Stay grounded and attentive to the actions of others; they will tell you everything you need to know. Words are just letters; actions develop growth.
5.Do you need to win?
No, but it is attractive.
This summer, I didn’t get an internship like most people I knew. Working with great design studios and getting ergonomic chairs. I saw this as a win- those chairs are costly too! I didn’t win because I didn’t participate in that race. I made up an internship for myself and excelled and won that race. Of course, it's not the traditional route, but I had a partner that led me to excellence and helped me sharpen my critical thinking.
Note to self: I’ve lost everything already in a fire I made for myself- everything onwards in a win.
New, improved 25+ version of myself would say: You can only come out on top if you wear a crown only you can see.
Reflection and sudden realisation: If you know me at all you will know my romance with emotional intelligence and vulnerability! I realised with some help from some people who poke and prod me to question myself. I’m not as vulnerable to myself as I thought. In fact I’m currently building a wall greater than China’s around myself- can you blame me? I was raised by a village of people who’s anestory was colonised as many times as I say sorry! It’s all Gucci because I’m deconstructing my wall day by day to face my inner being. After all I’ve never introduced myself to myself? Have you? Hi I’m Rids and you are?
If you’ve made it this far, thanks! I hope this encourages you to question yourself regularly :) Please consider donating to anything below. The money made from this article will be split equally and given to both below.
